The Couple Proving That Love Can Conquer All Boundaries
The Couple Proving That Love Can Conquer All Boundaries
An LGBT Love Story…. Harriet and Alyssa (aka @glossnoodles on Instagram) found each other through, what some might call, absolute fate. They’ve been dating for nearly two years, majority of which was spent living 5,000 miles apart (Harriet being from the UK, and Alyssa from Texas). From being closeted to living on completely different continents, Harriet and Alyssa have proven that love truly does conquer all boundaries- even when you’re oceans apart.
So just tell us a bit about your story! When did you meet, what drew you to one another, etc?
H + A: We met on Tumblr in June of 2016! We were in the same fandom (American Horror Story) and happened to ship the same pairing! We had followed each other for a few weeks, always tagging and reblogging each other until one day (June 3rd 2016) Alyssa learned how to message on Tumblr and finally got the courage to message Harriet! From day one, we were basically official, we even joked about moving in with each other because we had so much in common! From there we added each other on Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook and eventually FaceTimed each other every day for hours on end!
Once you conquer distance, the little things just don’t matter, you learn to appreciate everyday together.
What made you decide to take on such a long distance relationship? When did you know that you were ready to commit to dating someone who lived 5,000 miles away?
H + A: There was never another option other than long distance once we started talking. I remember dropping hints and bringing up long distance relationships to see her thoughts because I was desperate to be with her. We knew it would be super hard and potentially impossible but like I said, there was never another option. It was luck that I (Alyssa) had a trip planned to London in the following March so we had something solid planned before we even became official. Waiting was super tough though, it was a whole 8 months before we ever met in person! Harriet was still in the closet when we started dating though so we had to be careful with the amount of facetiming during the day and texting when she was with her family, but she had facetimed with my family and met them so we made do with what we had! We both have said that if it were someone else we were dating, we wouldn’t have done the long distance.
What was it like when you finally got to meet one another in person?
H + A: It was actually crazy to meet! Like I said, we’d waited 8 months to meet in person so the build up was long and slow, not to mention the plane ride from Texas to London – it was excruciatingly long! I’d arrived first so waiting for Harriet was just a mixture of nerves and excitement! Finally seeing her…it was everything. While I’d seen her on FaceTime basically everyday for 10 months total (8 months official), it was so different to see her in person! It was weird to finally be able to hold her hand and give her a quick kiss. We had always planned on the unfortunate ‘what if’ scenarios, like what if it didn’t work for one or both us, but we were beyond lucky and blessed that those 5 days we had together went so perfectly. In fact, when we were together the first time, we planned a 2 month vacation together in the summer!
What was the most difficult thing about being apart of a trans-continental LDR? Were there any good aspects of it?
H + A: There were a number of difficulties, like the time difference, money for flights, bad service on FaceTime and just…not being together. While it was nice to have things like FaceTime and WhatsApp, they don’t make up for what you’re missing. Often times we would find ourselves upset and just feeling down because to love someone with all your heart and not be able to see them or hold them, its just painful. The time zone difference was tough on us because one would have the whole morning alone and the other would have all night alone, so Harriet would have to stay up at night until 3-4am and I would wake up at 6-7am so I didn’t miss too much of her day, we both had to make sacrifices. There were good aspects though! We did get to travel to the other’s country and now I get to live in the UK with Harriet! It’s cool and interesting to be able to share cultures and ways of life! And the time zone difference actually did come in handy sometimes. While Harriet did have to stay up late at night, it was during my evening too, so I was able to talk however, Harriet went to New Jersey in the fall of 2017 to study abroad. I was still in Texas so while we were closer and were able to visit a lot more, the time zone actually cut down on our facetime. We would both be busy at certain times and I would work night shifts at work so it cut into our usual talking time which we did struggle with.
Did being an LGBT couple present any extra challenges for you?
H + A: It did in some ways. Harriet was still in the closet when we were apart so it did affect when we could FaceTime and the amount we could text. I also would
Being apart, all we craved was normality, just being in the same town. So finally being together, I relish the small moments that we get now.
send Harriet gifts and cards and have to make sure not to write something too gushy. She was actually in the closet when I came to visit in March so meeting her family was a bit strange, they talked to me about boys and asked if I knew people to set Harriet up with! I politely told them Harriet was too good for anyone I knew! It can also be a challenge when traveling. I lived in Texas for university so when Harriet came to visit me, we weren’t comfortable holding hands or showing affection in public in fear of what could happen. We have had looks and comments, even people taking photos of us out in public, so we are always cautious of where we are and our safety.
Do you feel that LGBT couples are more willing to commit to long distance relationships vs. hetero couples? Do you feel that LDR’s are more common in the queer community?
H + A: I’m not entirely sure about that. Personally I would say yes because our pond is a lot smaller, I know I was on all sorts of dating apps before meeting Harriet but I just never connected with anyone in my area. I didn’t know what I was looking for but I knew that what I was finding, wasn’t it. But finding Harriet, I knew she was everything I was dreaming of and more so of course I wasn’t going to let this go. I knew I’d do anything to keep her. Growing up, I always saw my friends finding significant others wherever they were, but I never was able to do so. I do think heterosexuals have an easier time finding each other and are less willing to commit to an LDR, but I don’t know if thats my personal view or an actual finding! I have seen many couples on tumblr and Instagram that are LGBT long distance though!
Do you think your relationship would be different if you were never long distance? If so, how?
H + A: I do think it would be different, but I don’t think it would be for the better. While long distance was super tough and gave us some hard months littered with tears and upset, it made us more grateful for what we have. Being apart, all we
craved was normality, just being in the same town. So finally being together, I relish the small moments that we get now, like being able to make Harriet a cup of tea in the morning, dry her hair for her, grab her a chocolate bar between classes at university, etc. I know a lot of my friends who were never long distance tend to take for granted their relationship, those small things we were deprived of.
What is the greatest thing that you learned from being in a trans-continental LDR?
H + A: I think the greatest things we learned were that we’re stronger together and that we make each other better. We both have confidence and self esteem issues where we think others are better than us and that the other could do better, but we always have to remind each other of how far we’ve come together. We did go through a hard time in our relationship when apart so to have overcome that together, it speaks for itself. Harriet does help me with all of my issues, she is my biggest supporter and the biggest challenger to my negative thoughts. We’ve learned that we can beat anything as long as we’re together.
What advice would you give to couples who are in long distance relationships, especially those who are part of the LGBT community?
H + A: Long distance effects both heterosexuals and those in the LGBT community all the same to me. We would say that while we know it can seem painfully daunting and just…depressing, never getting to be with the one you love, you just have to keep going. The distance is worth it and it will make you more grateful for each other. It will give you a strength and special bond that nothing else could give you. Once you conquer distance, the little things just don’t matter, you learn to appreciate everyday together.