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Titty Talk: The Low-Down on Breast Reductions

Titty Talk: The Low-Down on Breast Reductions

Ah, the beloved breast reduction. Taboo for some, God-sent for others (I happen to fall into the God-sent category). If any of you had previously read my other Titty Talk post, you would know that I’ve struggled with bearing the absolute unbearable- big boobs. God, they are the worst (which is why breast reductions are so wondrous; I’m sure Ariel Winters would agree). Now, there are lots of people who feel that breast reductions shouldn’t even be considered for young adults and teenagers, and man oh man, they must hate Ariel Winters. “But you’re so young”, they say. “You should wait until you’ve had kids, so you can breastfeed”. “Are you even fully grown yet?”.
Indeed, I am young, which only means that I have more years to live, and I would rather not waste away those precious years feeling like a have two flour-sacks weighing down my body.
Truthfully, breastfeeding isn’t even on my radar right now. Also, baby formula is a thing.
 I was fully grown when I hit 5′ and my boobs came spilling out of my DD bra. Puberty has far passed, my friends.
Sorry, but I had to include a picture of Ariel Winters. Just look at how painful that dress looks on the left. Ugh, it makes me cringe. On the contrary, she looks absolutely fabulous on the right. How nice it is to be able to wear a dress that, previously, would’ve only covered the surface area of your nipples. Good for Ariel Winters, she’s slaying. 
After heavy contemplation, lots of research, and the continuous agony of backaches and boob-sweat, I decided that I was in need of a reduction. Oh, hey, wait, are you considering one too? Phew, it’s about time. Here are some tips and tidbits for you.
1. Talk to your doctors. Look, I’m not Meredith Grey, but I will say that a breast reduction is not something you should just jump right into. It’s a serious surgery, and from my experience, it involves a lot of documentation, consultations, and contemplation.
2. Weight the pros and cons. Your doctor will do a run-through of all the possible side effects of the surgery- loss of nipple sensitivity, scars, blah blah blah. Some are highly unlikely, others are inevitable (i.e the scars). For me, the pros outweighed the cons by far. For example,
– You can go braless (hello, newly perky boobs)
– You can do jumping jacks without having to hold the girls in place with one arm
– You can actually find your bra size in the store
– You won’t have to hunt down a swimsuit top in a size that does not exist
– The buttons on your blouses won’t pop open
– You won’t look like a hot air balloon in billowy clothes (hey, you can finally embrace the boho trend)
– You won’t have to prop your boobs up on tables, counters, pillows, etc.
– You won’t have ungodly backaches and shoulder pain
– You’ll feel like a new, confident woman!
3. Before your surgery, make sure to prepare properly. Your doctor will tell you to buy a surgical bra, so make sure to order a couple of those in advance. Set up an area where you can comfortably lay, and get lots of pillows if you need to be propped up. Make sure you have some sort of bedside table, where you can keep water, pain meds, and other things within easy reach. Oh, and get a trashcan in case you vomit from the anesthesia.
4. Have a support system. When it comes to a life-changing surgery, support is key. I was in a lot of pain, so my boyfriend and mom were by my side at all times. You won’t be up and moving around for a while, so ensure that you have someone there to help you out with even the most mundane of tasks.
5. Just know, it’s really ugly before it gets pretty. When my surgeon first took off my gauze and bandages to unveil my new boobs, all I could see was a whole lot of ugly. Looking in the mirror and seeing bruising and stitches, not to mention boobs that look completely different, well, its overwhelming. Just remember that scars heal, and soon enough you’ll look and feel amazing.
6. Patience is a virtue. Once you’re off of the oxycodones and you’re feeling semi-normal again, it’s tempting to swing right back into your pre-surgery routine. Bad idea. If you’re doctor says no running, don’t you dare even lace up those Asics. If he says no lifting, well, you get the point. Healing takes time, so go back to the couch and watch some more Scandal.
7. Shop till you drop, baby! Did I mention you can go braless? What about wearing bralettes? Blouses? Button-up shirts? Bathing suits? I loved shopping before, but shopping with C-cup boobs is truly amazing. You are a new woman, my friend, so treat yourself, and embrace the fabulous new you!
Man, smaller titties totally rock.
xoxo, Julia B.

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