So, I had an epiphany. If you read my last post, you’ll know that I struggle with my identity, passions, etc. etc…. Being 19 and under the pressure of college can do that to you. Here’s the thing- I’ve always had lofty goals and big dreams, and I still do, but I’ve realized that with time and experience and a more worldly sense of understanding, dreams and goals can change. I’ve always wanted to live in NYC, have a Carrie Bradshaw-sized wardrobe/shoe collection, go to all of the fashion weeks, live a glamorous life, etc. I never realized that there was anything better than that: a glamorous life working in a creative industry is about as good as it can get, because fashion IS important and TOTALLY saves lives and helps the world, right?

I’m starting to think, maybe not so much.

Regarding fashion, there is nothing wrong with owning lots of clothes and having your greatest worry be if you’re going to wear Manolos or Louboutins to dinner. BUT I’m starting to realize that there IS something wrong with living in rose-colored, diamond-encrusted, first-world-kind-of-problems bubble. This is the world that I live in, that WE live in. (I mean like, it sucks that there are kids around the world without food and water, but it sucks even more that Johnny slid into my dm’s but then like, never texted me back and now he and Amber are hooking up and also Urban Outfitters sent me a $200 dress in the wrong size). Life is hard.

Lol. I kid. Anyways:

The fashion industry is corrupt, and although there are people who are working tirelessly to promote sustainability and slow fashion, it still remains the second largest polluter in the world. Fashion is also fueled by beauty, superficial desires, and trends that are now determined mainly by Kylie Jenner- which sort of says a lot about us as a generation. (Shoutout to y’all in the back there getting your lip injections).

In a lot of ways, fashion gave me a sense of purpose and identity that nothing else ever has. It allowed me to break out of my shell, to develop a voice and confidence that resulted in people noticing me, respecting me, and ultimately caused me to respect myself as well. Killer shoes and a great winged liner can do that, even if it is a superficial thing. There is a beauty and power to fashion that I will always admire; as a cautious person, it pushed me to take risks, to be bolder, louder. To this day, I am still terrified of sports, the monkey bars, and practically everything else in life, but I found a comfort in fashion that I couldn’t find elsewhere- it is literally the one and only thing that doesn’t terrify me. (No, like literally last summer a bunny growled at me and I got scared and ran away. True story.) And maybe that’s the problem, I’ve grown so comfortable in a world that has allowed me to be bold and safe at the same time, that I’ve neglected any other path that might be offering itself to me. I’ve only ever given myself one option, and I’m beginning to question that, I think.

Lately, I’ve started to discover so many other things that give me a sense of identity and purpose- yoga, photography, hearing and embracing the incredible stories of others, etc. All of these things push me beyond a superficial realm, and ultimately, out of my comfort zone. Yoga terrifies me. It challenges me to quiet my ego, stop doubting my fears, and also headstands scare the living shit out of me. Photography is honestly just beautiful and rewarding, and I never knew that I had a gift for it until recently, but it’s such a satisfying art. Alas, sharing stories and inspiring others is something that I KNOW I’m meant to do. Maybe fashion can allow me to do that, but probably not in ways as meaningful and deep as I would like.

Anyways, I suppose we should all begin to rethink things, if our gut is telling us to. Not necessarily give anything up, but explore other facets of life that could give us a sense of purpose and identity. Or, if something is truly toxic, learn to let it go. Often we forget that life doesn’t need to be static, and it shouldn’t be, unless we let it. Open your eyes to the struggles of others, help people, try new things, worry less, live more. Maybe some sort of epiphany will happen, or maybe you’ll just learn more about yourself and others. Either way, it will be beautiful.